There are some problems with the habits or behaviors that are clear for all and a person himself knows about it and repents when he returns to his senses. A person who is in habit of getting angry quickly realizes that he has this bad habit of losing his temper easily and getting angry but after sometime, when he realizes about what he has done, he repents on his act and tries his best to be good to the person whom he has hurt. But there are some problems that may not be much clear but habits are habits. Habits have been defined as, ‘the regular pattern of one’s behavior or personality established or attained after gradual practice for a long time’.

As acquiring a habit is a difficult task, quitting a habit is also not easy. We often read about things that can bring pleasing changes in our lives like sleeping early, rising early, carrying out the daily activities with a proper schedule, being very effective and efficient in utilizing our time and many more but when we come to actual life, our old and established habits don’t let us to acquire these habits. In the same way, when we think of quitting an old but harmful habit, let’s say smoking, we feel great difficulty.

As we were discussing, there are some bad habits present in our personality of which we are fully aware but there are also present some habits which may be very harmful for our personality and manners but we may not know them very well or even if we realize their presence, we may not be considering them as bad.

Some of these habits, let’s say back-biting act like a drug. We adopt a habit (even if it is bad) to get some kind of joy and pleasure. People who are in habit of back-biting or talking negatively of others in their absence may not realize this and they may not admit if they are inquired about it but definitely it is a truth that they do so to draw some kind of pleasure out of it. In your own personality or among your relatives or acquaintances, there may be few who might be in habit of back-biting and if you keenly observe their personalities, you would definitely reach to the conclusion that this habit has become permanent because they have started drawing some kind of joy out of it.

Once you become addicted to this drug, it would be very difficult for you to quit this. It is just like any other addictive drug that captures your mind and thoughts and at times, you might think of quitting it as well but it would not be much easy to do so.

Now, those who fall in this habit of back-biting do so because of the numerous reasons, but the biggest problem that lies behind is the habit of comparing yourself with others. When you develop this habit, then you can never feel satisfied with what you are or what you have because in the world, you will never be able to compete with everyone.  There may be those who may be better than you in education, or wealth, or personality or behavior and one can never fight with others on all these grounds. When you start fighting, soon you exhaust your positive energies and when you realize that in reality you cannot be better than them, and then you start your ride in the reverse direction. In one of our local languages, there is a proverb that, ‘There are those who try to be like others by rising high but there are those who pull down others to bring them to their level.’

Behind back-biting, your pure intent is to bring down the person you were comparing yourself with and when you see that in this way, you have found a way of satisfaction for yourself then you continue this and your satisfaction and contentment grows deep. One might have started this habit just to compare him or herself with a single person but then its circle keeps growing and then there is no turning back. Gradually a situation comes when you cannot control yourself at all and then you start talking about anyone, even those whom you have never seen or met.

As mentioned above, back-biting is also a kind of habit that may not be much clear to us but it may definitely be present in our personality, causing great harm to us, to our words and repute and feelings of people around us. Just like any other bad habit, there would definitely be present a justifying factor behind this habit as well and in this case, it is the desire of revenge that prompts you to carry further this bad habit and when you go too far in it, then you forget the returning tracks and continue your journey.

Kindness, sympathy and feeling the sufferings of others have been termed to be key factors in moral standards and from them stem up many other unique and valuable qualities and we are all aware of it. True worth of light is not realized when there is light everywhere rather the light of a small candle gets its true identity and worth when there is complete darkness. In the same way, we may not be much aware of the true worth of the above mentioned good qualities but in their absence, the space is filled with so many negative factors. One of the most hazardous habits (both to you and others) is the habit of drawing satisfaction from the sufferings of others and in more polite words, not feeling any kind of pain from the sufferings of others.

By the habit of back-biting we hurt the feelings of so many people around us but we never come to realize this and thus continue our habit of peeling the hearts and spreading the salt there.

The person who is the victim of this habit loses his own image, trust and dignity among the people around him. They think him of not worthy enough to be trusted and termed to be very dangerous to raise misunderstanding and conflict among them.

When we come to the solution side of this problem, first thing to realize is to accept that hurting the feelings of others is a bad quality and we would try our best not to repeat this in future at any cost. When we will accept this, rest of the steps can be very easy. Then the feelings of envy and jealousy against others would be replaced by kindness and sympathy.

Similarly, being satisfied with what we are and what we have is another factor that would not let this problem to evolve and grow. This important moral factor has been repeatedly advised by our great Saints and prophets of all the religions of the world.

Important motivating factor in controlling this habit is to know that we are losing the trust and love of others and this feeling of loss gives birth to a firm pledge in your heart that at any cost, you would try to stop this habit.

This should also be kept in mind that controlling this habit may not be easy and at times, we may unintentionally fall into this habit but for some time, let’s say at least 6 months, we will have to keep complete check on our words and whenever we start any such discussion, we should at once control ourselves.

The habit would gradually decrease and a day would come when we will completely come to control it but for this, we will have to realize our problem now and start the corrective action without wasting any moment.