Editor in Chief: Moh. Reza Huwaida Sunday, May 24th, 2020

On Family and Family Life


On Family and Family Life

Big or combined families have always been regarded as most successful keeping in view the comfort and assistance that they provide to all the members. When there is a problem with any member of the group, all the members combine together to comfort the victimized person and ease his sufferings. Similarly, the joy of the happy occasions enhances many folds when all the members of group come together to celebrate and enjoy.

Big families have such a long history of existence that some people get sentimental in this regard and they cannot hear anything against it. But if an earring is hurting and injuring your ear, you will have to throw it away even if it is made up of gold.

Similarly, if members of a group cannot respect the rights of each other and are not in position to coordinate properly to keep up the spirit of the group or family, then it is better to segregate than to keep each other in constant distress and unrest.

According to Social Sciences, there are three groups with which every human being is attached and interacts all through his life. First group includes of all those people with whom you have blood relations and to whom you are most closely attached. This group is your family with whom you live together and pass most of the time of your life. Second group includes of your friends, neighbors or work colleagues with whom you are attached but not as strongly as with your family. The frequency of interaction with this group is less than that of the first group. Third group includes of all those with whom one interacts in daily life like shopkeeper, sweeper and many more. One is very loosely attached with this group and frequency of interaction is also very less comparing to the first two groups.

Social Sciences say that one gets most of his emotional support and pleasure from the first group and then from the second or the third group respectively. In the same way, it is natural that one's hopes and expectations would also be more from the group with whom he is more closely attached. As members of the group are more attached to each other emotionally and genetically, it is natural if there exists a strong sense of feeling or emotions among them.

When a person makes all his achievements in his life like a successful job or business, good health, safe future possibilities, good house and car and other things, then he turns to his family to enjoy life and all the good things in it. He takes his children to a visit or a picnic and this company of children or other family members gives him the natural joy.

Even doing work for the betterment of the family members like admitting children in school or arranging their school makes him satisfied mentally. Then comes the turn of friends who also give him almost the same joy but it should not be forgotten that friends may not be always as loyal as your family members and they might be there just to enjoy the good days and might not be found when things start turning against you.

It is the reason why it is said that men who work away from home and family and who are more attached with the second group, should often pay visit to the family and family members should also try to remember him time and again so that his natural attachment should remain strong with the first group. Otherwise, most of his attention and interests would be diverted to the second group and this group might leave him all alone one day. It is also said that family members should open their arms and embrace a member who is getting away from them so that he should again come into the safe arms of the family.

One's brother fell into a bad company and became a drug addict. His elder brother went to bring him back to the family and life. The drug addict was residing in outskirts of the city with his other similar friends. The drug addict beat his brother with his friends and they threw him away. Then he ran away to another city. His brother went after him to the city. In the same way he kept running after him and pleading him for six months. At last he was successful in bringing his brother and admitting him in a rehabilitation center.

Similarly, it is also advised for the parents to give a comfortable and pleasing environment to the children at home and provide them with ever-enduring love and assistance so that they should never get away from the first group and all their interests should lie with it. If this thing was not done and he was left alone and he lost his interest in the first group, then he might go and get attached to a second group and it is not sure how he will be treated in the second group.

Moreover, first group always looks for the betterment of a person and it is a very rare case that one might have been harmed by this group but with second group, one may learn both good and bad habits and whenever there was a clash of interests, one's own friends might turn against him.

Every individual learns many things from the groups with whom he interacts. Family or home is considered to be the first learning place of a person and most of the norms and values that differ a person from others are learnt from the family. Cultural understandings and standards of good and bad which may not be found written in any book can be learnt in family.

Every member of the family offers a unique lesson to be learnt; father's dedication and hard work, mother's love and tolerance, sister's patience and concern towards her youngsters, elders brother's sense of responsibility, younger siblings' naughtiness, grand parents' wisdom and politeness and many more valuable lessons can be learnt at the same time and under one roof.

In every family, there would be members with different capabilities and mental status. Some may be intelligent, other may be dull or non-receptive. Some may be very kind and having a pleasant personality while another may be rude or harsh. In the same way, there would be members with varying habits and natures. While living in a family or deciding upon the company of friends or colleagues, we would be very comfortable if we keep this thing in mind before hand and not expect much from others. Otherwise, we would be hurt badly and our fancied image regarding others would be smashed down into smithereens.

A father is usually the person who keeps all the bounds united and attached firmly in a family. He works hard and suffers to bring comfort to the rest of the members of family. It might happen that a father might scold his son or daughter without any proper reason or might beat him or her on a petty issue, but even then, it doesn't grant you the right to revolt against the family or be away from it. There is saying that if one was good to you on 99 occasions and on one occasion, he did something that annoyed you, it is absolutely unfair that you should forget those 99 favors and remain stuck with a single bad experience.

It also becomes a responsibility of every member to do his best to keep a pleasant environment and ensure the functionality of the group or family. We must avoid those things that might cause trouble for others or that might hurt others' feelings. In this regard, especially elders and mature members need to show more sensitivity and sense of responsibility as youngsters might not be wise enough to be perfect in all regards.

We went through some of the numerous blessings of family and first group and found that many good things are bound to it. Our true and natural joys start from this spring. You need to be always taking care so that this spring might not get dried.

Mohammad Rasool Shah is the permanent writer of the Daily Outlook Afghanistan and teaches English at Afghan-Turk School, Kabul. Email your suggestions and opinions at muhammadrasoolshah@gmail.com

Go Top