The man looked in great distress and repentance, ‘most awkward condition comes when people give me a slight hint about the sentences that I have said and then exactly don’t mention who had uttered these. At that time, both I and the person standing in front of me are dead sure that these words were uttered by me but neither of us is in position of unveiling the name because one doesn't want to embarrass the other while the second person doesn't want to look stupid to admit a stupid act that created problems for others. I am left with a slight unease and guilt-feeling that keeps me depressed for many days and nights and then I badly wish I had not said these words. Then time passes and makes you forget all these, but forced by your uncontrollable habit, you again say something that brings another round of shame and embarrassment’.
While telling me these things, my friend was confiding me his worst habit and the top secret because he was a continuous victim of this. He wanted my advice in order to solve his problem but I was myself a victim of this habit, may not be as severe as he was but it looked awkward for me to advise a person about a thing that I was not able to control myself. It was just like holding a sugar cane in your hand and advising the others to keep away from sweet things.
When we look at our surrounding, especially in offices or job-places, there are present so many people who are in habit of talking uncontrollably and when their follies are unveiled, they give so many explanations with a silly smile on their faces. Almost all of us have this habit, more or less, but we feel this too much when we see others doing this. It shows that many of us forget sometimes that we also talk such thing that can be really problematic if revealed in front of others.
According to psychology, this habit of talking something against someone unnecessarily or complaining baselessly may be due to a number of reasons. Some people are always hungry for the sympathy and attention of others and in this way, they try to show themselves deserving of the sympathy of others and this target can only be achieved when one shows himself to be under the difficulties and thus complains of the conditions, people or both. Some people may be willing to show their importance by exaggerations and when one exaggerates, the real spice is added in it by making false statements or descriptions. Some may be hungry of the attention of others and this can be best achieved by telling different tales and disclosing things about others that are better to be kept secret.
One of the best and essential traits of a leader is considered his ability to keep the secrets. The more one keeps the secrets of others, the more he carries importance and trust in the eyes of others and when a person wins the trust of others, he is accepted as a leader by all from the core of their hearts and such a leadership carries some meaning. At the same time, less a person talks, more he is trusted to keep the secrets of others. In the same way, less a person talks, his chances of making errors or saying something stupid is also decreased.
This habit of talking unnecessarily against others (especially your supervisors or bosses) can be a great obstacle in your advancement in your career. Such a person gradually loses his trust and he is no more considered worthy of confiding secrets or holding important positions. Once such an image is formed, it becomes almost impossible to reverse the things and regain the trust of others. The career advancement of such a person is negatively affected by this habit because he is not considered worthy of important positions. There are also present some people who are well aware of their habit and most o f the time, they try their best to control it but when they commit such a mistake, they soon repent on it. But it is also a fact that such a habit becomes the major reason of job-place dissatisfaction because the person realizes that he has lost his trust in the eyes of others and is no more considered a worthy part of the organization. In the same way, such a person is not considered worthy of true respect and he becomes an object of entertainment for others. You may find such people on a number of places when people go to them and start a chat when they want to pass their time and have some gossip but of course, it is the worst form of this problem from where there is no turning back.
It is truly said that ‘lies have no legs’ so when a person tells a lie or wrongfully describes a person or a matter, soon his lies are caught. If this lie is against a person, the person may turn to be your enemy and if not, may make the others to change their views about you and greatly diminish your image in their eyes.
In the same way, a person with the habit is also not given much importance inside the family and when any kind of counseling is done inside the family, his views are not sought and his advices are not accepted. This helpless condition can be really painful for the person, if he realizes this.
The best thing to be done in this regard is to talk less. The more a person talks, more will be the chances of mistakes and in the end; there will be the moments of shame and embarrassment. In the same way, talking less makes you appear more mature and sober and helps you retain a good image in the eyes of others. It has also been noticed that, on so many occasions, we talk where it is totally unnecessary. Such habit of gossiping is not going to do any good for us or for the others and it is very helpless if one keeps talking even after realizing this fact. Another good way is to weigh your words before you utter them out of your mouth. Try to think of all the possible consequences of your words or sentences and after realizing the end results, say it to the listener. This effective and useful habit of weighing your words would make you realize that you are becoming both careful and skillful in choosing your words and giving them a final shape. The continued practice will even make you more confident in talking less but talking with absolute effectiveness.
And we have a golden Islamic rule in this regard, which says, ‘Don’t seek the weak points in others. If you discover anyone’s weak point, try to conceal it from others.’ In fact, this concealing of defects is the exact opposite of talking or propagating others’ defects and this guideline can save us of a number of difficulties and shameful situations.