Many years ago, a very good person was our neighbor who was famous by the name of ‘Haji’. He had crossed the age of fifty but due to different reasons like good business and social status, looked very fit and active. He was famous all around for his talking style. He talked in a way as if other person was deaf or if he was admonishing someone for a mistake. He had more than half a dozen sons who controlled all his business and thus his only activity was to wear nice white clothes and move around like a king or a police officer. In the same way, he had always kept a strong control on all his sons and they never did anything without getting his permission. At the same time, they also took very good care of him. People regarded him to be a lucky person who had good health, caring family and a flourishing business.
Just like himself, he had also found some other people who had nothing to do and they assembled at a place and talked about different issues. As the scope of imagination and thoughts of an illiterate person is always limited and ordinary so their discussions never rose up from the common issues like politics, weather, inflation, and business. As is the case with people of such ages, they also liked to talk about religion, though their information was also limited about it. At times, they checked here and there and after ensuring complete privacy, talked about their marital lives. Almost all the friends of Haji had married more than once and they talked in a way that slowly and gradually, same feelings sprouted in the heart and mind of Haji. He was rich and strong and these two things are considered important in our society when one wants to get married for a second or multiple times. His friends advised him to do his second marriage but he was afraid of so many things. He thought about the reaction of his wife, his children, his age and awkwardness of marriage in this age and also the thoughts of neighbors. But at last, his friends were successful in breaking him down and he agreed to get married once again. When he announced this at his house, there was a sudden and unexpected reaction. His wife started shouting and crying while his sons looked very serious and angry but he had never let them control the matters of his life so he stood firm in his decision and brought home a new bride. Few days passed well but then the counter-reactions started emerging on surface. His sons now gave him very less importance and hardly talked to him. His first wife did not give him the previous attention and he became a stranger in his own house. When he remained in house, he got tired of the continuous fighting and shouting of his wives and silently left the house. He did not know how to settle down all the problems that were the result of his second marriage. Now, his old life seemed more calm and peaceful to him.
More or less is the result of almost all the second marriages in our society. Disagreements between the wives, tension between the father and children and financial limitations have made such marriages a constant source of frustration and depression for all the men who had got married for the second time with a number of hopes and dreams. But it doesn’t mean that I am against the second or multiple marriages or there is not present any successful example in this regard. There may be many families who would be getting benefitted from the second or multiple marriages but it is a very rare case.
Usually, the concept of second marriage came because of reasons which make it a necessity. When a person is not having any child from his first wife and if doctors make clear that there are no chances of any baby from the first wife and both the wife and husband are willing to welcome a lady who could bring the laughter of children into the house, there happens no problem and everything proceeds smoothly. Similarly, if a person is much tired of the ill behavior and treatment of her wife, he can take this step to acquire some peaceful moments at home. If a person’s wife is ill and cannot support the marital life and needs of a person, the wife would willingly permit her husband to go for the second marriage and many more. And most importantly, the person should be rich enough to support the expenses of both wives nicely. In all these instances, only intention should be solving the problem and bringing ease and comfort to the lives of the members of a family. Except this, if a person gets married due to lust, carnal desires, name and fame in society or other baseless reasons, the complications would be born, creating frustration for everyone in the family.
In this regard, Islamic directions are also unique and impressive. Second marriage has been permitted for very sound reasons (some of which have been mentioned above) and can be done only after getting the permission of first wife. Then, a person should be both economically sound and wise to treat both the wives equally and nicely. If all these conditions are not met, no one should think of getting married again.
In our society, most of the people do the second marriage due to a number of reasons that can be termed stupid and which are not mentioned in Islamic jurisprudence. First, is the excessive carnal desire and lust, followed by the intention of keeping high social profile and other similar stupid reasons. When the marriages will be done by these intentions, there would definitely be problems.
On the other hand, most of the people are not wise and educated enough to handle this sensitive issue properly and maintain complete equilibrium in the family and assure fair treatment of both the wives. In Islamic teachings, the fair and equal treatment of both the wives has been emphasized a lot and it is clearly stated that if a person is not capable of keeping balance between them, he should not think of getting married for two or more times. Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) showed extreme sensitivity in treating his wives fairly and nicely.
Most of us are illiterate and are not aware of the rights of women granted to them both by our religion and universal ethical and moral standards. Then we cannot control our desires and it is where we start favoring one and mistreating the other and put the basis of skirmish and frustration between the wives and other members of family. And as mentioned above, most of the time we get married for second time with stupid intentions and this lack of reason and logic worsens the situation.
In our society, when someone talks against second marriage, he is blamed to be impressed from secular thoughts of West and regarded it as Non-Islamic but the actual circumstances show that multiple marriages without proper reason and balance are not only against Islamic teachings but also the sound reasoning and logic.