“Shortly after the birth of our eighth child, I was overwhelmed with two babies in diapers and the needs of four older children at home. My stress was reflected in my face; I was often not a happy person. Fortunately, I recognized what I was showing of myself to my children. I did not want my children growing up believing that mothering is no fun or that they caused me to be unhappy. I sought help, fixed my inner feelings and polished my mirror so that my children could see a better image of themselves.”
Parents are full of hopes and dreams for their children. They may imagine their daughter becoming the first female president, or their son finding the cure for cancer. No parent holds a newborn and wishes that the child will become a troubled teen. Unfortunately, despite parents’ best efforts, it’s possible for a teenager to exhibit some terribly frightening behaviors. An out-of-control teen may be verbally or physically abusive, dive into dark worlds of drugs and alcohol, drop out of school or run away from home. He or she might acquire a criminal record. Parents may feel helpless and hopeless when it comes to the troubled teenager in their family, and it’s unlikely that there’s a quick fix or a cure.
No one can put on a happy face all the time, but a parent’s unhappiness can transfer to a child. Your child looks to you as a mirror for his own feelings. If you are worried, you can’t reflect good feelings. In the early years, a child’s concept of self is so intimately tied up with the mother’s concept of herself that a sort of mutual self-worth building goes on. What image do you reflect to your child? She will see through a false facade to the troubled person beneath. Children translate your unhappiness with yourself to mean unhappiness with them. Even infants know they are supposed to please their parents. As they get older, they may even come to feel responsible for their parents’ happiness. If you are not content, they must not be good. If you are experiencing serious problems with depression or anxiety, seek help so that you can resolve these feelings before they affect your child.
Children learn the most from their parents’ behavior. Children invariably imitate adult behavior, good and bad. They want to be adults themselves. If they see their parents cussing, they will cuss. If they see them praying, they will pray. If they see them helping others, they will try to help. Abused children are at an increased risk to become child abusers in the future.
Does your child demonstrate stubbornness when you try to incorporate learning into his/her daily play activities? Don’t give up; give options! This is what any behavior specialist will recommend and it is good to learn it in time to maximize your child’s early learning window of opportunity. It is emphasized by specialists not to give in but to give options.
Some kids are just built to butt heads with their parents. Call it stubborn or strong-willed or whatever you like. If you’re living with one of these guys, you know that straightforward methods of getting them to follow directions or behave often don’t work. They want to be in charge. But, of course, so do you!
In such a case, parents are recommended by psychologists to start responding rather than reacting. They are supposed to approach their kids sideways instead of straight on and use calmness, respect and creativity to get what they want accomplished. With many kids who need just a little more control, asking their opinion sometimes and giving them choices often are easy answers to getting them to do what their parents want. Moreover, parents have to use supporting words, rather than threats, to help take the “fight” out of obstinate kids. Instead of saying “We can’t go to the park until your toys are put away!” it is better to say, “As soon as your toys are put away, we get to go to the park!”
Working through situations when your child becomes stubborn can be frustrating. Psychologists advise strongly to refrain from giving your child options such as doing what you asked or getting a time out. Time out is a useful tool. Using an effective tool as a threat is not allowed. If your child has become too stubborn to engage in learning, then use time out as a strategy for your child to regain control. Threatening is a waste of time for you and your child. It is a warning signal that you don’t mean what you say.
Being the parent of a teen with emotional or behavioral problems adds new challenges to the already difficult task of raising a child through the adolescent years. Teens become troubled for a number of reasons and when this happens parents are forced to learn new strategies for daily survival, while at the same time figuring out how to navigate solutions for helping their teen heal.
Knowing when your teen is in trouble is an essential key to unlocking the factors contributing to the disturbing changes in your teen. Professionals who work with teens describe troubling teen behavior as “acting out” meaning this behavior is the outward expression of underlying issues that need attention. Troubled behavior in teens takes many forms to include teens with underlying mental health issues such as depression, defiant teens constantly challenging your authority, and teens turning to drugs or alcohol in an attempt to numb their pain. What these teens all have in common is that their troubles exceed the growing pains associated with normal adolescent development. Accepting you have a teen who needs extra attention and care is an important step in getting the situation under control.
Hence, parenting is a tough job. Parents have no option other than shouldering this responsibility with great patience, tolerance and devotion. Prayerfully, their struggle will bear the desired fruit if they do not neglect this holy task.